Sunday, November 3, 2013

Jacob's Gotcha Day 11/4/12 at OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Forever Family Day!




(One year ago we met our beautiful son.  The emotions and the story of his life and our year almost overwhelm me.  For this special celebration post, I want to write it to Jacob.)
 
November 4th, 2013:
 
Dearest Jacob,

One year ago WE met our precious, youngest son.  The pain of 6 years of waiting had culminated into this long awaited day. 
One year ago YOU lost everything you ever been connected to, everything that gave you security, and every person, site, sound, and smell that you had ever cared for.  One year ago your life was once again ripped apart. 

Our day of greatest pleasure occurred at the same time as your day of greatest pain.  None of us has come away unchanged.
In this process of ripping apart and joining together, we have learned so much about the love and work that goes into building a family.  A love and fierce commitment have been planted in our hearts for you and in this letter, I want you to know that we are committed to loving you well and doing this right by the grace of our Lord and Savior.
 
So, dear one, I want to share with you today, as we celebrate the one year anniversary of our Forever Family Day, what I hope to communicate to you the rest of your life….

  1. We will create for you an environment of emotional safety, where you can trust us enough to share everything.....your joys and your struggles.
  2. We will help you know your true and wonderful self.  Not one based on performance, or image.
  3. We will be intentional about providing opportunities to teach and show you empathy and compassion.
  4. We will help to reflect to you God's character by showing you patience, kindness, forgiveness, and love.
  5. We will provide for you affection, nurturing, responsiveness, and sensitivity.
  6. You will be safe, seen, and secure in our household.
The journey of this year has been incredible!  It brought tears to my eyes as I rocked you to sleep tonight thinking I couldn't imagine life without you in it.  Somehow, in the midst of your tragic story, God has allowed us to enter and be your Mom and Dad.  There could be no greater calling than to come together as a family bonded in other ways than blood.  I had no idea how greatly the experience would impact me nor how inadequate I would feel to take this road.  Yet, in the midst if your hardest days this year, you have reached out your little hand to embrace us, to laugh with us, to forgive us, and to love us.  Life couldn't be fuller for me right now and I wouldn't change a thing except that I might somehow be able to spare you of any pain you will face down the road of your life.
 
But one thing I know is that walking next to you at every step will be the One who created you and gave you life.  He will be your healer even as He has been mine this past year.  There is so much incredibleness to happen in your life, Jacob.  He has had his hand on you from the start, and has somehow allowed us to enter into your life and walk alongside you.  For this, we will be forever grateful.
 
We love you, forever-
Mom and Dad

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Thriving


"Wow, Jennifer, he's thriving!"

One of my friends made that comment about Jacob last week and for that beautiful moment, I reveled in it.  I soaked it in for all the work that went behind it and thanked the good Lord for that moment of encouragement. 

Just a few hours later, we were back in the trenches, doing the same hard work and doing our best to keep making progress.  The word "thriving" melted into the background of my mind as I watched Jacob struggle through letting go and fully depending on his new family. 

I found myself saying, "Are you really thriving?  What does that mean anyway?"

The online Webster's dictionary defines the word "thrive" as to grow vigorously, to gain in wealth or possessions, and to progress toward a goal despite circumstances.  As I pondered the word and it's meaning one day in my car, I was listening to the CD "Struggle", by Tenth Avenue North and in the title track song were these words:
 
Hallelujah
We are free to struggle
We're not struggling to be free
Your blood bought and makes us children
So children drop your chains and see
 
There, in my car I realized, yes, he is thriving.......even I am thriving!  Thriving doesn't mean you have "arrived" and life has to be perfect.  It means we are pressing onward toward our prize.  It means that despite the struggles we have hope and can be joyous.  It means we keep doing the hard work, relying on God's love, and being thankful we get to walk this life beside Him.  Thriving is a process, not a destination.  It is a condition we can walk in when we trust our Savior. 

Close to mealtime that night, a time we often struggle with some of Jacob's anxieties, I picked him up and looked him in the eyes and said, "You don't have to do that to get Mommy's attention.  I love you.  You can just come and ask me with your words.  What you have to say is important to me." 

These words from me were evidence that we are both thriving.  He is learning to trust and depend on me, and I am learning even more how to meet his needs and provide the environment he needs to grow and heal.  We are "growing vigorously, and pressing toward our goal despite our circumstances."  Praise be to God.

Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the Lord and in His law he meditates day and night. He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth its fruit in its season, whose leaf also shall not wither; and whatever he does shall prosper. (Psalm 1:1–3—NKJV)

 

 


Sunday, August 25, 2013

Tragic + Beautiful = Grace

Yesterday, I made up the bed of a 6 year old that will never sleep in it again. 

Today, I was baptized. 

One weekend.  Two events.  One more heartbreaking than anything I have done before.  The other, a glorious celebration and public declaration of my faith in Jesus Christ and my desire to serve him with my life.

It has been one emotional weekend.  Tragic and Beautiful. 

Yesterday we helped friends of ours, who had lost their 6 year old son in a tragic accident last month, move into their new home.  I stood shoulder to shoulder with parents who have experienced the most agonizing life event and one that we all fear.....the loss of a child.  I wanted so desperately to take their pain away and bring back their loud, carefree laughter.  I wished I could wipe away that look in their eyes that tells of an indescribable pain and haunting ache.  I wished I could give back to them what they had lost.  But I couldn't.  All I could do was move boxes, pack a fridge, make up a bed, pick up lunch, and just be heartbroken with them. 

Today, I stepped forward in front of witnesses and declared my personal relationship with Jesus Christ and my desire to share this good news!  The setting and the morning were a perfect symphony of his creation.  Not only did the sun make it's splendid appearance, but the moon also stayed around for the event.  All of nature seemed to celebrate!  The very rocks cried out!  Perhaps I said it best in my written testimony to the leadership and pastors that baptized me with the following email: "My walk with the Lord and my dependence on Him considerably deepened this year with the adoption of our son, Jacob, from China.  In the months that followed, I began to come face to face with what a sinful, selfish "wretch" I was.  During this time, my feelings of hopelessness and shame threatened to take away the joy that living as a daughter of the King promises.   It was at this time that I immersed myself deeply into God's word, I breathed in his promises, and clung desperately to the forgiveness He has given us.  Never have I been so connected to my own sinfulness, and so reliant on the Grace that He gives.  God has been ripening me all year and baptism seemed like the perfect next step.  I have wanted to be baptized as an adult, but there has always been an excuse.  Lately, it's been, "but I don't want to be baptized in front of a congregation I don't know."  Then, Pastor David, asked last week what barrier might we have to baptism that would be more important than our obedience.  I knew that answer....nothing.  This has been my year of trust and obedience to the Lord.  I have wrestled with obedience too long (hence, the name of our son, Jacob), and I think I said it best in my blog where I have been chronicling our adoption journey: 'In light of my gratefulness for his redemptive work on the cross, I can respond with nothing other than obedience to what might seem hard and inconvenient. It's nothing compared to what I have in my Savior. Our journey to our son started with our physical adoption but has taken me to far deeper places, my spiritual adoption. Where Jesus Christ redeemed me and took back what was rightfully his. The way ahead promises to be hard, but my joy and my transformation are greater.' " 

Two profound, life imprinting events in one weekend.  One tragic and one beautiful?  No, both tragic, and both beautiful for the one similarity they hold: the hope we have through the grace God has given in His son, Jesus Christ.

Over two thousand years ago, Jesus Christ died on the cross for the sins of the world.  In this tragic AND beautiful event, God redeemed what was his own.  Because of it, I can be assured that our friends son is in the arms of a loving Savior, and I, too, attest that I shall be there as well.  Today, I stood in that water to tell the world of my love for the Savior.  I stood to say that my life had been changed and that even in the midst of unspeakable tragedy, there is a God that loves us so much, that He designed a way that we can be together with our Creator as well as each other.  In the midst of their tragedy, that is likely the only thing that can bring them hope.....the gift of the Savior.  Today, I stood in testimony to that.  To that beautiful gift given to me, to you, and to them. 

Two events.  Tragic and Beautiful. 

Before I close, I want to thank my dear husband for standing by me and assisting in my baptism today.  I have been blessed to be part of your spiritual transformations as I watched you give your life to Christ when we were in high school and then be baptized the day before our marriage.  It was a gift to share this one with you.   Thank you for forever being one of my three strands (Ecclesiastes 4:12.)

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Six Months Post Cleft Lip and Palate surgery



It's hard to believe Jacob's surgery was 6 months ago!  Aside from the first two weeks post-op, the time has flown!  We are now in that sweet spot between surgeries where we can relax, enjoy each other, and work on development.  So, here is where we are six months later:

Feeding: If I take a step back and look at the big picture, Jacob has certainly made progress.....but it has been slow.  We still have to puree and mash most things but have found that if the edible item can be mashed with his tongue, then it is able to get down.  He's not chewing anything.  We finally decided to push for an outpatient speech referral through Cincinnati Children's Hospital with a focus on feeding.  We are doing this once a week and our homework includes "chewing" on a nuk brush dipped in something like mashed banana or peanut butter, and working on Jacob biting on items from the side if his mouth.  His therapist said he has all the components needed to chew....lateral tongue movement, and biting motions but he's just not putting it all together. Most of the food bolus just sits on his tongue and does not get pushed to the side.  He seems to be making gains in strength but if given the choice, will always pick the food that is easiest to get down with the least amount of work. 

Speech:  Along with our outpatient speech therapist we see once a week, we also have early intervention coming into our home once every 2-3 weeks.  She is wonderful and gives me great ideas on "playing with purpose".  I call her the pied piper because she can bring vocalizations out of Jacob better than anyone else we have been with.  He loves it when she comes over!

Playgroup:  Because Jacob is receiving early intervention, he can also attend their weekly playgroup.  This is an hour of sensory activities, fine motor activities, singing, and reading time. I have loved connecting with other Mom's in the group and watching their little ones make progress.  I am amazed at the challenges of being the Mother of a special needs child.  Some of these women are everyday heroes and fierce advocates for their little ones.  I will be sad to say goodbye to them when Jacob turns three next March.

Gross Motor Development:  Jacob continues to be in a gross motor class called Tumblebees where he gets to challenge himself with physical feats.  At any given class he will practice crawling through things, walking across balance beams, rolling, and swinging. You just never know what the crazy Kids First Gym ladies will think up for the kids to do in their circuits.  It has been a wonderful place for both my children to feel loved, encouraged, and challenged to do things outside of their comfort zones.  We have also started some work with a local chiropractor that is versed in DNS (Dynamic Neuromuscular Stabilization).  "What?", you ask.  From their site (Prague School), they believe "the nervous system establishes programs that control human locomotion, which is comprised of posture and movement. This ‘motor control’ is largely established during the first critical years of life. Therefore, the “Prague School” emphasizes neurodevelopmental aspects of motor control in order to assess and restore dysfunction of the locomotor system and associated syndromes."  We are only two visits in but the chiropractor and I are trying to identify any dysfunctional movement patterns Jacob has and help "rewire" his neuromuscular system to do things correctly.  It sounds complicated but can actually be done with some very easy manual cues to Jacob's body while he is doing his regular daily activities along with some reflex stimulation. 

Ears and Eyes:  We did have a vision screen on Jacob as there is an eye condition that has been associated with cleft lip children which can result in a detached retina.  The initial screening was negative but Jacob will need to be followed every couple years until he has fully matured as the condition often manifests itself later in development.  During that same week, we were shocked to go in for our ear visit and alas, Jacob had lost a tube!  We were not expecting this wrench in our plans!  Our surgeon decided to give Jacob a couple months off.  We will return at the beginning of August to see if he will need another tube put in his ears.  I know the procedure is minor but am not looking forward to handing him off to be placed under anesthesia again.  

Teeth:  We have great news on this front!  Jacob has two front teeth!  The "baby teeth" never emerged but he has two adult teeth waiting to come through.  Jacob's pediatric dentist saw them on xray at our last visit!  We've been told to save up now for braces!  Gladly! 

Verbal:  Our surgeon told us to expect very little progress in expressive speech before our next surgery for the P-flap.  While not all cleft children need this surgery, our surgeon prepared us that he felt it was highly likely Jacob would have it.  Although he has very little expressive speech, we have no trouble communicating together between sign language, sounds, and the minimal words he does say.  Should we need the P-flap surgery, that will be done summer of 2014. 

Making headway.....

We have had lots to celebrate over the last few months. 
  • Jacob is now able to independently come up and tell us when he needs to eat (through sign language.)  Previously, he would do things to get negative attention and show signs of anxiety when he was hungry but now he is finding his voice. He finds it especially fun to tell us he is hungry when we finish our bedtime routine and are just about to put him down for the night.  Smart kid!
  • We are finally on the head curve!  As of Jacob's 2 year follow up, we are back on the head circumference curve.  All those foods we have been giving him for "brain development" are working!
  • Jacob came up to me about a month ago asking, unprovoked, for a kiss.  It hasn't happened much since but it was a special moment.
  • We are working on getting Jacob to express his needs through signing or words.  He is very good at playing the tattling little brother role and instead of whining and stamping his feet to get my attention, we are working on him calling me "mama."  It is far from perfect but we are slowly changing these patterns and helping him find his voice.
Looking back, I can see that though the road has seemed long, we are making steady, forward progress.  Some days we make leaps and other days we take steps back.  Dr. Purvis who wrote, The Connected Child, talks of attachment being like money in the bank.  We work hard to make deposits, and build up our attachment wealth.  Then, there will be other days when we fail or fall short of what our children need and we have to withdraw from the account.  The goal is to stay and move forward in the positive.  I like this analogy and when some days don't go the way I wish they would, I can be thankful I have made so many other deposits. I feel confident that in the end, we will retire with immeasurable wealth. 



Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The Emotional Landscape of this Mother and her Son

The Emotional Landscape (on writing your child's Lifebook):

"Many adoptive parents gather information and sit amid airplane ticket stubs and trip photos, unsure of where or how to begin. For many, the emotional landscape seems daunting. Perhaps it is difficult to say or write the word “birthmother.” Dismal feelings related to infertility, once thought to be resolved, may unexpectedly arise. And how does one write that one’s child was placed on a street corner or that her birthfamily lived in poverty? Some parents find it healing to tune into their own feelings about their child’s early life experience while composing her lifebook. We can privately honor these feelings without “giving” them to our children. Later, when sharing the story of our children’s early lives, we can be emotionally present and available rather than caught in our own feelings about the material."  By Cindy Probst, an excerpt from her book. 

I am so excited as Jacob's lifebook has been started.  A couple weeks ago I began journaling and gathering his life story into a scrapbook format.  It is a way to document his life before we came into the picture so he can understand that his life began before us.  It is arguably said to be the best tool one can use in an adoptive and foster environment to allow children to understand their beginnings in an age appropriate manner, and to allow them to ask questions and engage in adoption conversations.  

In the excitement that had been building to be part of creating this and gathering (and seeking out more!) of Jacob's history, I was struck by some feelings that have not only taken me by surprise but have once again crept up into my life.....the fear of failing my child and the fear of not being able to give him information that may seem vital to his emotional development.  As I have tried to put into text and pictures what little I know and have been able to gather about Jacob's life before November 4th of 2012, I often find myself feeling despair.  If only I had the right connections.  If only I had asked better questions at the orphanage.  Why didn't I ask if a note had been found on him or if the clothing he wore was in existence?  If only I knew (fill in the blank), then I could finish that page of Jacob's life and bring him more closure.

The opening statement by Cindy Probst was exactly the emotional meltdown I was experiencing,  I had no idea the barrage of sadness that would envelope me during this process.     

Why do I cling so desperately to this hope that if I look hard enough, I will be able to find all the answers?  Could I help fill in that hole that will always be there when he realizes he knows very little about that part of his life? Is it that I think that having one more answer and piece to his puzzle would actually change the person he will grow to be and his self image?  Not likely.  If Jacob's self image is wrapped up in those first unknown and unknowable days and months of his life, then it will be a long road for us all.  And how can I ever expect him to move beyond these feelings if I can't?  The journey has given me a chance to face and digest my own feelings about his beginnings before I have to present them to him.  I am so thankful for that opportunity because when the time comes, I want Jacob to see that his life is a beautiful treasury of a story tinged by sadness and hope, sacrifice and love, and made into a perfect compilation to tell the story of God's redeeming love of our little guy. 

Even those of us who know the ones who birthed us, we are still far from our true self identity if we don't recognize that we already know the One who gave us life.  And He wants us to know Him intimately.  It is He that writes our lifebook and it is in Him that we must trust with the knowable as well as the unknowable.  He is the creator of our first days, our now days, and our next days.

I have a wonderful friend that has been helping me walk through this process.  Just her presence and help alone have given me comfort.  She reminded me once that a child's lifebook is a living document.  It can be changed and transformed as needed and as new information is found or thought about. 

And so, I will keep plugging away, always looking for more opportunities to fill it, and being thankful that I have been blessed to walk this journey beside our son.  This thought filled me one night as I was driving, having just finished the first four pages to his book.  I was thankful I had begun to put his life down and it gave me such a sense of accomplishment and excitement that I cannot wait to share it with him.  Our lifebook not only intends to be a tool for healing and learning for our son, but has also become a place of healing for his Mother as well.
 

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Team Jacob: Four Months Post Cleft lip and Palate surgery



Many of you reading our blog have wanted an update on Jacob.  Here are some specifics for our family, friends, and for the new families in our lives who have also adopted children from Weinan.  Below is more than you will ever want to know about how we are doing post adopt 6 months and post surgery 4 months: 
  • Drool (I told you it was more than you ever wanted to know): When Jacob first came home, we had to have a wipe everywhere we went.  About a month after surgery we began to notice his drool had significantly lessened and at this point, we are noticing it maybe once a day, especially when he is leaning forward such as in looking at a book.  We are trying to draw his attention to it when he does drool so that he has an awareness that it is on his face.  We do this by telling him it is there, asking him to wipe it, or modeling on ourselves how to get it off.  Jacob is clearly having more oral awareness.  Not only do we see his tongue starting to explore the outside of his mouth, but he seems to have better awareness when his mouth is dirty.  Just a couple weeks ago Jacob had gotten down from lunch and must have had some food in his mouth that dribbled out his lip after I had wiped him.  He came up to the counter, grabbed a napkin, and wiped his mouth!  I was amazed!  I had no idea he had that oral awareness. 
  • Eyes: When Jacob was first evaluated by the international Adoption Center they recommended we do a vision and hearing screening.  With everything going on in our lives, we moved forward with the hearing screening through our cleft lip and palate team but seeing no reason to schedule a vision exam, we decided not to do it.  A couple months ago I was looking at a book with Jacob.  It is filled with pictures of animals and I was asking him to point to certain ones.  I noticed that he never seemed to see the top of the page.  We also have noticed Jacob will occasionally lean in really close to see certain things, like when he was finger painting at our early intervention play group.  Now that I am attuned to this, I am finding I catch him doing this quite often.  Needless to say, we have an appointment with an opthamologist at Children's Hospital of Cincy in July.  
  • Ears: At our last ENT followup and again 1 month later at his 2 year appointment with our pediatrician, both doctors have said how good his tubes look.  We have seen no drainage since surgery and he has not given any indication that he is uncomfortable.  He now has no excuse in pretending that he "can't hear us" when we talk to him! :)  We will have a regular followup with the ENT so he can check his ears, see how the tubes are looking, and clean out any wax that has accumulated. 
  • Gross Motor: Jacob is steadily catching up in this area.  I am pretty sure by the time he turns 3, he will be age appropriate.  I am still seeing some challenges due to the lack of tummy time he has had thus far in life.  He lacks quite a bit of cervical extension.  I thought when he first came home that his poor extension was part of the reason he looks down so much when he walks but now I am wondering if it has to do with his eyesight.  He also does not have full hand opening on one side when he crawls and I know this is important in forearm movement and fine motor activities so we continue to crawl around the house like crazy people.  Mom and Dad are getting a good workout, too!  We have enrolled him, along with our bio son in a gross motor class called Tumblebees at a local kids gym.  Jacob is in a 2 year class and I might be the only parent that actually makes her child do the whole circuit of activities.  My poor child....it's tough having a P.T. for a Mom!  Jacob especially likes when they pull out the big parachute and they get to run under it.  Lots of fun!  He is not yet jumping but our little guy is close!  Hey, he's the "Year of the Rabbit"!
  • Head: Jacob's head is growing, but as of our last appointment at the pediatrician, he is still not on the growth chart.  Our doctor said he was not concerned as Jacob's head is growing and by looking at the way he interacts, he can tell he is intelligent.  He kindly assured us he believed Jacob would flourish under our care and that we need not worry about this. 
  • Speech: Jacob is beginning to show signs of expressive speech.  We are focusing on animal sounds and what I call, "Babbling with purpose."  We make sounds from vowels and consonants and try to replicate the things we are learning from our speech therapist.  She definitely has a better ear for it than I do but she has been excited about the things she has seen Jacob do.  He is signing like crazy and really communicates very effectively without any expressive words.  He can say "mama" but I am not quite convinced that he associates the word with me.  We continue to work with early intervention where we have a speech therapist coming into our home once every 10-14 days and we attend an early intervention play group once a week. 
  • Feeding:  Jacob is still on pureed foods but at this point, they can be pretty thick.  We had a feeding eval yesterday at Children's hospital.  I expected they would find all kinds of things we could work on and improve but, on the contrary, the speech therapist had glowing things to say.  She liked the variety of foods and textures we were giving him, his great communication and imitating skills, his good lateral tongue movement, as well as his excitement and interest in the process.  She did recommend we officially begin some outpatient speech to assist with some feeding techniques and to "begin" a relationship with a speech therapist.  How do you like that word......"begin."  I imagine this will be a very long relationship!   
  • Emotional:  Jacob is overall, doing well.  In separating, I am able to leave him with my parents without any problem.  I have had a lot more difficulty leaving him in environments like the church nursery and the kid care at the "Y" (so I can workout.)  The first time I left him in the hands of an unfamiliar place was at the end of March so I could attend an adoption support group. The group was awesome and we were apart only an hour and a half but the whole next day Jacob would not look me in the eyes or interact with me.  I spoke with our social worker and she confirmed we were definitely "in the thick of things" and this reaction was quite normal for institutionalized children.  It is nice to be in a place where Jacob does not want to let us out of his sight, but I long for the day when Jacob will be so securely attached that we can separate in a way that might bring sadness, but will also bring a surety that we will be together again soon and there would be no fear involved.  But, that's why we are here and doing the hard stuff....to work toward a secure, safe, trustworthy, and peaceful world for our son.
  • What's next?  We have lots of appointments in the next couple months.  Next week, we will be seeing Jacob's dentist.  He is a pediatric dentist but specializes in cleft children.  We will have an eye exam in July.  We will begin outpatient speech therapy (to be added to our early intervention speech that comes into our home every 1-2 weeks.)  We also have our 6 month follow up with the International Adoption Center.  Here, we will meet with a physician and an adoption therapist.  The cleft team will not see us again until Jacob turns 3.  Our surgeon told us to expect he will need the pharyngeal flap surgery (which will be our next one) between the age of 3 and 3 1/2.  Jacob does have one side of his scar that is retracting despite the twice daily cross friction work we are doing.  Should this continue to retract, we may be seeing them sooner.   
Many of you have wondered how I am doing.  I have a genetic condition that predisposes me to respiratory infections and I have had a very tough winter since we returned from China.  I'd say 75% of the winter I was on an antibiotic.  My pulmonologist thinks the added stress of the adoption and surgery, along with the rough winter we had in Cincinnati, is the reason I have struggled so much.  I can say that I am very thankful for medication, even though I despise having to rely on it.  It is a love hate relationship.  What I have disliked the most about feeling so cruddy all the time, is that I wanted to feel good during this time with Jacob.  I wanted to be at my best.  Nevertheless, I can thank the good Lord that even on the days when I was fatigued, had a temperature, body aches, and chest pain, I was still able to "function" as a Mom, maybe not at my best but I could still get most of the job done.

I have said it many times over the last 6 months and I will say it again....God has been my refuge.  He has been my rock, my sunrise, my bird songs in the morning my umbrella on a stormy day.  He never, never, never fails.  His mercies are new every morning. 

Even during the times when my fears take over.....
  • What if Jacob is made fun of in school?
  • What if he can never speak correctly?
  • What if his scar doesn't heal properly?
  • How will we handle his first racist remark?
  • How will he handle his birthparents?
  • What if he never feels like he has a secure identity?
  • How......?
The questions and fears can take over our lives and steal every bit of the feelings and celebrations that come with the glorious progress we are making in this time.  Despite my fears and despite my feelings of inadequacy, God is using us in Jacob's life.  Every goofy animal sound we make and every funny face we do to get him to exercise his mouth reminds me that this is where he is supposed to be, and we are exactly the ones who have been gifted to do it and help him get there.  Get where?  We don't know.  But this is his life, and we are on his team.  We have promised that we will do our best for him and stand by him when those challenges do come.  Go team Jacob! 
My "Yogurtstache"

Monday, April 29, 2013

A Cord of Three Strands

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.




Thirteen years ago today, I married the love of my life....but our story really began 7 years earlier in 1993.   
When I was in my teens, God placed wonderful mentors in my life who encouraged me to pray for my future spouse.  At the age of 14, I began to ask God to watch over and protect my future husband, to guide him into a personal relationship with Himself, and keep him pure for his future wife.


On a Fall evening in October of 1993, I first met Chris at a mutual friend's birthday party.  After an evening of fun and games, Chris asked me for my number.  I politely refused and told him that if he would like it, then he could come to a Young Life meeting on Monday night (a high school Christian group) and I would happily hand it over then.  The funny thing is, that in the eyes of society today, to refuse him may have seemed snobbish, conceited even.  He was not only the starting quarterback of our high school's football team, but he was also an intelligent and likeable guy.  I, while also an intelligent and talented young girl, was in the marching band (a band geek as some might say.)  The likelihood of us being a likely match was not, well.........likely.  (Yes, I did take a little heat from a cheerleader when she found out we were dating.....nyah, nyah, nyah!)


But that never mattered to either of us.  I think we both recognize that God had his hand on us from the start.  I was blessed to watch Chris, kneeling with a Christian mentor one night, give his life to the Lord two months after meeting him (an image that will burn beautifully in my mind for eternity.)  Then, after our wedding rehearsal, I, along with our closest friends and family, got to watch him be baptized.


We have moved well beyond the years of first crush feelings and college love notes sent across the distance and have entered into a new and better phase of our lives.  A phase where we understand that we will never fully be able to meet each others needs, and that we don't need to demand perfection of each other.  A phase where we have learned to give each other forgiveness and grace, as was given to us over 2,000 years ago.  On that day God not only gave us the ability to be with Him forever, but He also gave us the ability to thrive in our marriages.


As we have navigated the flood waters of infertility and adoption, God brought us closer together as a couple.  Even now, as we are figuring out how to parent our new family, we are again learning how important these lessons of forgiveness of self and each other are.  Twenty years ago God answered my prayers in ways I could never have foreseen.

Oh, and for those of you keeping track, Chris did show up to Young Life.  To this day, we still have the slip of paper with my number on it written in pink pen quickly scribbled at my car door.  Happy Anniversary my best friend, forever forgiver, and cherished husband.  I am so proud of the husband and father you have become and are becoming.  I look forward to what the next 13 years will hold for us.   

 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Not lacking anything

God has been working overtime to remind me just how great His love is for me.  He has brought to mind time and time again the scriptures about building my house on a rock and being ready when trials come.  He reminds me that these will only make me stronger......and make my family stronger. 

As you may have read in my previous posts, I have joined with a wonderful group of women this year to evaluate where in our lives we live in excess and how this excess takes up space that we should really be giving to God.  To honor this journey, I decided to study the book of James for the month of March.  As soon as I closed the cover on my study, the church we have been frequenting thought this was also a good time to study the book of James.  OK, God, I get it. 

I have loved the book of James since I was a teenager.  I know that grace is not dependent on works (Thank you Lord!) but our works are such an outflowing of our thankfulness for what God has done that I have always devoured the book from cover to cover.  It so naturally melds into the beauty of the promises of the new testament pages as it reminds us that genuine faith transforms lives.  When I did youth ministry and would encourage the kids to get into the Bible, I'd say, "Start with the Gospels and then go onto James", it was always such a natural transition. 

Recently, my mind can't seem to get away from James 1.  Specifically, James 1:2-4:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I thought that 6 years of waiting for our adoption was what it would take to "not lack anything."  I thought that obediently bending my will to bringing in a child that looked nothing like the child I thought we would adopt would reach the degree of "not lacking anything."  I thought that bringing home a child in need of a home and love, to a family with love and a home in need of a child, would be all it would take to "not lack anything."  Well.....I didn't know "anything." 

I didn't know how hard bringing home an older, special needs, heck, let's just say simply, an adopted child would be.  I didn't realize how inadequate I would feel in being his parent and how often I would despair that perhaps God had made a terrible mistake when asking us to parent another child.  In our shame, frustrations, and grief, we have wondered at times if God called us to this and then left us.  It seems my prayers of asking for "more empathy, more patience, more understanding, and more love" had lessened to a simple prayer of protection for our cherished son...."Lord, please protect him....from inadequate me."  

The amazing thing is that as I look back on where we have come from, where we are now, and where we are going, I can see that God is doing exactly as He promised.  He has not given us more than we can handle (despite what I might have told him last week....sorry God!) and He has perfectly placed so many people in our lives and so many words in His book to remind us of His infinite love of us.  Some of you have even reached into the dark depths of your lives that we might hear your stories of redemption and forgiveness, so that you might bring us hope and encouragement.  Just last week, I read a note I had not seen since before our adoption from a friend and it said: "Lord, today I will let go of my expectations as to how bonding should be going and give them to you."  (How did she know I would need to read that later??)

Perhaps that is why, we can "consider it pure joy...when you encounter various trails." (James 1:2)  For I know He is with me and the promises He has given me.  He is molding me and shaping me into something better, something stronger, something more perfect, something more complete, and darest I say it....into the woman and Mother that is fully capable to meet ALL the needs that our little guy does and will have.  A woman "not lacking anything." 

 

Friday, March 29, 2013

It is a good Friday.....


Life so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all
and the beauty and the shame
in the glory of His name
Oh the wonderful cross
...
Oh the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find
that I may truly live

Oh the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace
draw here and bless your name

-Michael W. Smith
I would be remiss to not post on this day.  The day we remember the sacrifice of God and Jesus Christ.  The day redemption began in it's physical form and began to move toward completion.  I will write few words because words will never be enough. 

Dear Lord, today, I stand in silence and awe of what You have done for me and admit that now, more than any other time in my life, how grateful I am for the forgiveness and freedom You have given.  I will never deserve it my beloved Savior but may my life be used to honor it and tell it.....Amen.
 

Friday, March 8, 2013

Problems with toilet paper

When I was a newlywed, I entered a contest to get a free case of toilet paper.  My mission was to submit a "saying" that had to do with toilet paper.  Easy.  I had been writing this wonderful piece of literary genius in my friends year books since junior high.  Hang onto your hats, grab your tissues and get ready to be amazed because here it is:
"May your life be like a roll of toilet paper......long and useful."

I know....AMAZING, but put that aside for one minute as we talk of other things.  I know, hard to do as you have been so "wowed" by my talents, but stay with me.  I am a super shopper.  I hit the sales, clip the coupons, and scour the clearance rack.  I can tell you what day of the year Target toys go to 70% off.  It is a gift and shopping smart to stay within our family's budget is a job I don't take lightly.  Recently, I came across a great deal on toilet paper.  It was every couponers dream and I stocked up!  Mega packs of toilet paper were stuffed into every nook and cranny of our linen closet.  We were ready for the toilet paper armageddon.  No bottom in our home would be unclean should there be a T.P. shortage.  I had a great feeling of security around our toilet paper stash......until God stepped in.

I was invited by one of my friends this year to join a group of women with two main goals.....to rid our lives and homes of excess to make more room for God.  We are using a book called, 7, An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess, by Jen Hatmaker as our guide and will be digesting seven areas in our lives that we live in excess.  This month we are focusing on food.  My husband has been so supportive and has agreed to join in what each months focus will be.  In March we are only eating seven foods.  To say it has been hard is putting it mildly.  I am cranky, hungry, and have crazy brain fog but have been trying to focus on what this month is meant to be....letting God in more of my life.  When I am hungry or cannot eat another apple, I force myself to open up to what God is laying before me.  What opportunities is he giving me this day?  You see, another focus of our project is to serve as Jesus served.  To get on our knees and wash some feet.  We want to do more than just write a check or drop a donation in a box.  We want to connect to the source of the need. 

Since the month began, I have been praying that God would place in front of me a need that our group or even just myself could meet.  I wanted to do something tangible to show the love of Christ.  When I was hungry and cranky, I prayed.  My feet were just itching to do God's work.  Then, it came.  A need born out of an incredible love for Christ and little children.  One of my friends from high school (who more than likely has that epic piece of toilet paper poetry in one of her year books) emails to ask for prayer.  She was having a hard time.  A hard time finding sleep and peace as she worried about finances and her family. You see, this beautiful woman has taken in three foster children in the last six months.  Add to this, her three biological children, a family household on one income, and the unexpected loss of her dear Father in December....let's just say, she is a faithful, strong, and obedient woman.  I love her heart for the Lord.  One day I told her I admire her for what she is doing and she said, "Don't admire me.  Just pray for me."

In her email she talked about her stresses and her loneliness in this new journey their family is on.  Yep, I've been there.  You see, every one of us that takes a child into their home whether through adoption, foster care, or other means knows of this loneliness, stress, and shame.  While our stories and journeys are all unique, there is a thred that flows through them all that makes us the same.  I have found great strength in this unity and four of the women in our group have ties to adoption in some way, on each side.  I knew immediately, this was who God had sent for us to support. 

I told my friend about our group, what we were doing, and then asked if she would send us a list of her needs.  I told her I wanted tangible needs.  She did not dissapoint.  She, of course, asked for prayer, but then sent a beautiful list that is fully linked to a Mother's heart.  I quickly put together an email that night and sent it out to our group.  You would not believe what these women accomplished in 24 hours.  It was a sight to behold as I watched each woman, all of us with unique God given gifts, respond.  Incredible connections were made, emails were sent, and research was done as we tried to see what needs we could meet. 

Enter toilet paper.  It was one of the needs on her list.  Oh, I got that!  I can give her a pack since we have so much!  I put a pack on our spare room bed.  The whole next day as were trying to organize what we could help her with through our resources and gifts, I kept having this feeling about the toilet paper.  I knew God was telling me to give her all we had.  But Lord, don't you know the "how to get ahead shopping principles?"  Sale + Coupon + Buy ahead principle = Huge savings!  This is how one can stretch their budget.  If I give her all I have then I'll have to start over.  Toilet paper was checked off my list for a long while!  But Lord, but...but....it was no use.  I knew if I studied his word what He would ask of me:

 1. God is the owner of everything we have: Psalms 24:1 “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it.”


2. God is exceedingly generous and gave us everything: Romans 8:32-33 “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?”


3. Giving is what we are called to do as His followers: Mark 10:21 “Jesus looked at him and loved him. ‘One thing you lack,’ he said. ‘Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.’ ”

I knew what I needed to do.  Not because my friend needed toilet paper, but because I needed to increase my faith and trust in the Lord.  I needed to lessen myself that He may become more.  My linen closet has a lot more room in it but my heart is fuller and the journey is richer.

Oh, and by the way, I won that contest mentioned in the beginning.  Perhaps that was the start of my T.P. problems!

Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.”

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Happy Birthday Little One

Two years ago yesterday, on a Saturday in central China, our son was born and dropped off outside of a middle school.  He then was placed in the Weinan City Children's welfare institution until November 4, 2013 where he was placed into the arms of his forever family.



Sometimes I catch myself looking at him in awe, wondering what the first 20 months of his life were like.  How has his little two year old brain adapted to the unnaturalness of raising oneself without parents?  Occasionally, I even daydream that it isn't real.  My sweet and beautiful son?  There is no way he had a period of 20 months alone and without me.....say it ain't so.


Jacob has exploded with development.  He definitely still seems younger than his two years of age but his curisoity and love of learning are a sight to behold.  I love to watch him discover new things, and the way he catches my eye when he hears a new sound that he can't quiet identify melts my heart.  It is remarkable to walk beside a child in discovery. 


God has been so good to us!  We have walked and even basked in the freedom that Christ brought two thousand years ago when he promised us forgiveness and redemption.  Never have we needed it more than now.  Never have I been so thankful.

Happy Birthday dear son.  You have led me time and time again to the foot of the cross.  The best gift that I can offer you on this your birthday......that I may help you do the same.  I love you.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Stopping to smell the roses





 The other day, Jacob and I went shopping for a Chinese New Year party we host every year.  I was a Mom on a mission.  I strapped on Jacob's seatbelt and helmet, double checked the cart's steering mechanism, and navigated the banks and turns of the supermarket.  If this was a sport, I'd have had the top sponsors vying for my cart's advertisement section!   


I had spent quite a bit of time in the floral department picking out flowers for table arrangements.  As I was passing the clerk, she asked me if I wanted a floral bag for all the flowers.  My response, "Certainly, maybe it will help keep his fingers out of them."  She kindly smiled and as she delicately wrapped our flowers she said, "I was watching him as you shopped.  His eyes just lit up at all the flowers around him."

 

Lit up?  How did I miss that?  All I remember is trying to keep his hands off them.  I immediately knew that if my child's eyes were lighting up in newness and discovery that I wanted to be a part of it.  How did I get so busy that I missed that? 


She then said with total wisdom and no judgement, "I've raised my kids and it's busy. Now I can look back at those things that I missed."  I knew I didn't want that.  I don't want to look back and wish I had been less busy, and paid more attention. 


Last night, we celebrated with our friends and family.  It was a marvelous celebration of love, adoption, family, and community.  In the chaos of trying to feed over thirty people, I knew that I didn't want to miss a thing.  Thank you my dear friends and family for the love, wisdom, and support you have breathed into our lives.  You have helped shape me into a better mother, a better wife, a better friend, and a very blessed woman.


Today, Jacob and I sat down with the flowers and explored to our hearts content.  No stone was left unturned.  No petal left untouched.  And no regrets for the time spent together. 


Luke 12:27
Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Learning to breathe again.

Psalm 150:6.  Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD.

Post op week one.

 We finally feel like our heads have come to the water's surface.  We are no longer drowning in our fears,  and sadness for Jacob's experience, and postoperative difficulties.  The rhythm of domestic life is slowly returning.  The waters are calmer and we even occasionally are learning to find enjoyment in floating on our backs and drinking in the beautiful view around us.  We are learning to breathe again. 

Over the last couple weeks, we have waxed and waned through victories and frustrations in our post operative healing.  At our followup with our surgeon, he saw what we had already seen in Jacob's palate....a fistula (hole.)  He assured me it was not likely a result of Jacob's fall (see last post) but more a result of his surgery being so extensive.  Then, just a few days ago, we saw another one.  This one is under his left nasal region and he does get food coming through this hole and out his nose.  It has been discouraging for us. 

On the victory front, Jacob has made remarkable improvements since the last post.  Not only is he waking up just once per night, he is now able to breathe much better making sleep more restful. We have been able to get pureed foods into his mouth and it has been fun to watch him learn how to move the food with his tongue toward the back of his throat.  He is also keenly interested in how our mouth moves to form words and he will often try to mimic them.  It is exciting to see this and my heart is aching for the day when I hear him say, "mommy."  As Jacob has made progress, I have purposefully looked back to remember not only where we have been, but how far we have come, and remind myself of the broad network of support that is loving us during this time.  I think it is an imperative exercise when working with a child that has special needs.  The progress of one day may seem so minimal but the progress of a month and sometimes even just a week can be incredibly encouraging.  

Just finished my first boxing match....you should see the other guy!
Post op week 2

We are forging forward in this work that needs to be done to help Jacob "catch up" in his delays.  I visited our P.T. friend who is an excellent developmental therapist and she thought Jacob was doing great.  She said, "If he's not age appropriate in his motor skills now, then he is very close."  This was welcoming news as I had worried we'd take some steps backward after surgery.


Post op week 2-3
 We have seen our early intervention speech therapist in home for about a month now.  While Jacob does not have any expressive language, his receptive and nonverbal communication is amazing.  He understands a lot and has been communicating very effectively with the sign language we have been doing.  We have loved doing signs with him because it requires so much eye contact.  He will look us in the eye when doing a sign to make sure we have seen it.  The ability to communicate and be understood brings such power to bonding!

He has definitely developed "stranger anxiety" since his surgery.  We notice him making less eye contact while we are out and about and at home he is demanding much more "hold me" time. The smiles also seem a bit harder to come by but we are working on it.  We will soon begin doing scar massage to his lip area.  I am hoping this will be something he will adapt to soon and won't cause him much discomfort. The surgeon said his puckered upper lip look will slowly spread out over a two month period. 


Post op week 3-4

You may wonder what will happen with the holes.  The one in the posterior part of his palate may close on it's own.  This is what we are hoping for.  The anterior one will likely not change.  Both will need another surgery if they remain unchanged and open but nothing will be done for at least a year when Jacob is between 3 and 3 1/2 years old. 

We are holding fast to the Lord's promises.  We might be teetering on the edge of an immense ocean that we feel could swallow us at any minute but we know our feet are planted firmly on a rock.  Not quicksand.  A firm, solid, unwavering rock with strong foot holds for our feet to weather the crashing waves.  I have had to remind myself and force myself to look back from whence we have come.  To force myself to come face to face with each "drowning" we have felt and remember who has been our strength.  I remind myself that God is in control and He loves Jacob more than I could ever fathom.  Two holes in his palate are nothing compared to the plans God has for him and God is in control of his future. 

Just as Jacob has had to learn to breathe anew, so are we.  We are praising God for his love of us, our family, and of Jacob.  We are learning to put our faith for his functional outcomes and healing in the one who created him, not in a surgical procedure.  The one who knit him together and knew him before he was born.

Isaiah 42:5
Thus says God, the Lord,
    who created the heavens and stretched them out,
    who spread out the earth and what comes from it,
who gives breath to the people upon it
    and spirit to those who walk in it....

Friday, January 25, 2013

One week post op cleft lip and palate surgery report


Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father, There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!  Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided, Great is Thy faithfulness!
Lord unto me!
William Runyan, 1923

My sister gave me a plaque with that song on it when Chris and I were going through a hard season of life.  We were trying to figure out how God wanted us to create our family.  It sits on our piano and I have often sat and read the words to renew my strength and give me encouragement in the reminder that God never changes, even when our circumstances and journeys in life do. 

It has been a very tough week on our little guy.

After three days in the hospital we headed home.  What we weren't expecting was that his face would continue to swell.  We should have known this because our surgeon told us it would peak at 2-3 days post-op.  This made eating and breathing especially difficult.

Eating: Upon discharge the doctors felt Jacob's intake was very good considering the amount of work he had done.  We have been feeding him a homemade infant formula with a syringe.  To the formula I have added two things suggested by the dietitian to help aid in healing: powdered vitamins and egg yolks for their protein content.  As long as I can get everything blended to liquid, Jacob is tolerating it.  We are also trying to do small feedings at the dinner table of pureed baby food mixed with water out of a spout less cup to slowly work him back toward his preoperative routine.  The nurse in the hospital gave us good advice that we needed to stay on top of his pain so this did not inhibit his food intake.  I think doing this has helped.  Some feedings are better than others.  Some he cries through and some he takes without any problems.  The plastics nurse told me post-op day five that his throat was likely very sore.  The feedings have been hard because as all adoptive parents know, food can be a powerful attachment tool.  Right now, it is not a positive experience but the risks of not eating at this point far outweigh the risks of slowing our attachment progression so we are trying to ride this wave with the proper perspective and not beat ourselves up. (sigh.)

Breathing:  This, by far, has been our biggest challenge.  Jacob's cleft was so large that before surgery, effort in this area was, well, "easier than breathing".  He has certainly never had to learn to open his mouth to breathe because the opening was already there.  Now he is closed.  On top of that add that he had a very extensive repair which means lots of swelling, and on top of that add that his nasal passages are clogged with "gunk", and on top of that add that he is congested.  I suppose it might feel a little like someone giving you a straw and saying, "Ok, now breathe through this."  He does fairly well when he is awake but as soon as sleep is required, it's all downhill from there.  We've tried everything.  Sleeping in the carseat.  Sleeping in a semi reclined position.  Sleeping with some neck extension (to pull the tongue away from the top of the palate which is where it is when in the resting position....did I mention I am a Physical Therapist?)  The latter seems to work the best but it is not perfect.  We achieve this by lying down and then leaning him backward across our stomachs.  On a typical night, Jacob will take 3-4 breaths and then he stops holding his mouth open.  He then has to open his mouth to start breathing again and this wakes him up.  This has created a lot of frustration for him (as you can imagine.)  My husband and I have been sharing nights sleeping with him and trying to help him find a good position.  He has the 9-3 shift and I have the 3-8.  We are hoping his breathing improves as his swelling lessens but the surgeon said Jacob also needs to "relearn" how to breathe.  This could take some time. 

Care of surgery site:  His incisions are healing but he has dried skin and blood all over the surgical site which we don't dare touch.  On a lighter note, we are affectionately calling him "dragon breath".  We are not yet able to clean his mouth and the pain meds he is on contain a lot of sugar.  Between that and the dried blood and surgical site, he emits an unpleasant odor.  The doctors have assured us this is normal and he does not seem to have a high temperature so at this point we are not worried about infection.  We try the best we can to keep his nasal passages clean with Q-tips soaked in saline.  There are lots of stitches in this area so the process is pretty delicate.

Then, midweek, the unthinkable happened.  Jacob fell face first into a planter.  I was immediately worried about the work done on his face.  When he turned to face me I could see nothing had opened and breathed a sigh of relief.  Just about the same time I was thinking that I began to see his mouth fill with blood and he began to cry.  Visions of a torn palate and ruined speech outcomes filled my brain.  "Why didn't I move that darn plant?" "Why wasn't I closer to him?"  "Why....." (the self blaming thoughts go on.)  We immediately called the "on call" plastic surgeon who told us not to go to the ER.  I told her there was a membrane hanging from Jacob's palate and she told me to call our regular surgeon in the morning.  We did and he said...."It's all right."  What?  Doesn't he know this is a frantic Mom thinking, "ruined speech, slowed progress in taking solid foods, a fissure (hole) in his new palate....I have ruined his life", and he says, "It's all right."????  So, now we wait until the 30th where we will have our post-op follow up and he will look inside his mouth and tell us what he sees.  Jacob did lose a stitch the next morning in some gunk I wiped out so we are hoping it was "not all that important."  (Insert nervous laugh here.)

So, how are we doing?  We are riding this wave and thanking the good Lord for seeing us through.  For being our Provider and our Rock. (24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. Mathew 7:24 & 25).  He has given us so many gifts along the way:

  • Our dear friends and family that have sent emails to let me know they are praying for us and for Jacob.
  • The packet I received in the mail with letters and artwork from Mrs. Peterson's elementary class saying they were praying for Jacob.
  • The meals, letters, visits, and friendship given to us by a local church we visited only once.  Their love of us reminds me of the believers that supported each other in the book of Acts.  Their love has been freely given and has not been shown because of our church attendance, tithing, desire to bring another sheep into the flock (we are already committed believers), or what Spiritual gifts we have.  They are loving us as an outflowing of their love of Christ and the call to take care of each other in our need.  They have taught me so much about being one body, as Paul talks about in Ephesians 4:
    "As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."
(Thank you Christ's Fellowship, for teaching me more about being a follower of Christ and His great love for us!)
  • Our parents and family has been relentless in their support.  They have called, been concerned, filled in the gaps and lended an ear.  You are the best!  What did we do to deserve such an incredible family?
  • For my friend that was the first to bring dinner. You, my dearest friend, have the gift of help, and you never fail to practice it on me.  (And you may continue to do so.)  I love you so much!
  • Let me not fail to mention my Lord and Savior.  You have given me everything when you gave me the cross.  As I look outside my window today, at the newly fallen snow, I am reminded that you take the ugliest parts of me and have made them new and white.  Your plan of redeeming your people is perfect and I am thankful that although I deserve no part in it, you have written my name in your book.  Someday, I will celebrate with you and thank you in person.  (And get to ask all my burning questions....like, what did Jonah do while in the belly of the whale for so long?  And, what did you write in the sand the day the adulterous woman was brought to you?)

  • In closing, let me tell you about the writer of the song above.  While William Runyan is credited for writing, "Great is Thy Faithfulness", it was actually one of his good friends, Thomas Obadiah Chisolm (1866-1960), that wrote the lyrics.  Thomas had a difficult early adult life. His health was so fragile that there were periods of time when he was confined to bed, unable to work. Between bouts of illness he would have to push himself to put in extra hours at various jobs in order to make ends meet.

    After coming to Christ at age 27, Thomas found great comfort in the Scriptures, and in the fact that God was faithful to be his strength in time of illness and weakness, and to provide his needs. Lamentations 3:22-23 was one of his favorite scriptures: “It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.” 

    Amen and thank you, Thomas, for reminding us decade after decade of His faithfulness.  (Ok, and to the writer of the ever exciting book of Lamentations...whoever you are.)

      Saturday, January 19, 2013

      Cleft lip/palate surgery....the last 24 hours.


      My "kiss" face.

      
      Night before surgery
      


      I didn't know 24 hours could be so long.

      Jacob had his surgery yesterday and came through it fine. It has been a long day for us.  Jacob's first surgery was for tubes to be placed in his ears  The surgeon stated there was a lot of fluid behind his eardrums so we are hopeful this is the reason for his "mild to moderate" hearing loss.  Next was plastics.  Dr. Billmire did an incredible job at reconstructing Jacob's mouth and nose.  God has blessed this man and we are thankful to be in Cincinnati and in his care.  Dr. Billmire said Jacob had a large cleft and due to his "older" age and the tissue being less pliable (compared to the normal 0-12 months old that receives these surgeries), it was a harder repair.  He indicated Jacob may need another surgery or appliances to help mold the shape of his palate.  Jacob is in restraints that prevent his hands from going to his mouth and he is to wear them for a week (that should be fun.)  The last surgeon to go was the urologist who performed Jacob's circumcision. 


      
      Waiting to be called back.
      
      
      Sportin my new look
      
      
      Doing the sign for "Mommy"
      
      The last 24 hours have been a blur of trying to control Jacob's pain, getting him to eat, and helping him to rest comfortably.  I can officially say that it is true that you don't go to a hospital to get rest.  We were up every hour of last night between Jacob being uncomfortable and the nurses doing "their thing." 

      They tell me Jacob is doing very well and his oral intake is surprisingly good, although to me it seems so minimal.  They will be keeping us at least another night due to the extent of work done.  This morning, they cut a stitch that was holding his tongue forward in his mouth so tonight we will monitor his breathing while sleeping and making sure he has a good airway.  As long as intake, output, and breathing are holding steady, we should be released tomorrow. 


      
      Getting Fed
      
      
      
      Sleeping (like my arm bands?)
       
      
      In recovery and still a little "anesthetized".
      
      Thank you for all who have sent messages of love, for the Pastoral staff that sat with us through the surgeries, and for the kind things you are doing to sustain us through this time.  You have put hands and feet to the Gospel and it is wonderful to be on the receiving end of this very tangible display of God's love.  He is so good!