Gotcha Day: China Adoption November 4th, 2012

Before I tell you all about our little Jacob...the real reason you have come to read this post, I want to share with you the few hours prior to meeting him.  We were dropped off at our hotel from the airport and had about two hours to organize and get ready to leave.  As we were trying to imagine what the next few hours would hold, I began to reflect on the hours just before Ethan, our biological son was born and how different their "births" into our family have been. 

I had given birth to Ethan naturally and without medications. While the physical pain was great, it's effects were short and quickly forgotten when he had been placed in our arms.  In contrast, the couple hours prior to Jacob's arrival were peaceful.  I was able to freshen up, have something to eat, and we even had some time spent in prayer together with another adoptive family we are traveling with.  Jacob's arrival bears little physical pain but has been wrought with emotional pain.  Unlike the forgotten physical pain with Ethan, this emotional burden will carry it's scars for a while as we navigate through surgeries, attachment, bonding, and change. 

We arrived to the Civil Affairs office late due to traffic and found the elevator was not working.  As we headed up the steps to the sixth floor I began to hear crying and just knew that it was Jacob.  He was sitting alone in a chair when we entered the crowded room and yes, it was Jacob that had been crying.  As you can imagine, the Caucasian man and woman approaching him with the oddest expressions of joy, heartache, and fear was not the answer he had been seeking in response to his cries.  Chris clicked on the camera and I knelt beside him as he sat in the chair.  He made little eye contact with me and I was trying to be very patient as I knelt in front of him.  I wasn't sure grabbing him in a crushing hug and telling him I had waited my whole life for him would result in the outcome I was hoping to achieve!  We made a little headway in giving him a bunny (Thank you Elli!) and a toy car.  Eventually, we just decided to hold our hands out in the universal "would you like to be picked" sign and up came his arms toward us.  From then on (at least as of this writing) there have been very few tears! 
 

Jacob sitting in the chair with bunny.

In our arms at last!

Jacob's cleft is pretty severe so that has and will take some getting used to.  We are still fumbling through keeping him clean in this region as well as the greater challenge of getting him fed.  Unfortunately, we received very little information on the type of bottle and formula they were using, and when and how they feed him.  Please be in prayer for us here as we are still struggling through all this and getting him fed has been very stressful for me.

Feedings.

Jacob is slowly letting us see more and more of his personality.  He is into everything and loves pictures of faces and mirrors.  He also is "talking" to us, pointing at things he likes, and seeks our eye contact to make sure he has our attention on the object he is focused on.  This is all very good and helps for bonding that he wants to include us in his interests.  We have enjoyed standing in front of the hotel mirror together and letting him not only see himself, but see us holding him.  It is also clear that he loves balls and cars so he and Ethan should hit it off right away.....until they both realize this means they will want to play with the same toys!

I have to say the day was full of emotions that were all over the map.  From: "What the heck have we done?" to "This is one of the greatest days of our lives."  I imagine we will have many more days like that but one thing I know, we are full of love.  Even in the moments when we fear or our hearts ache from missing Ethan, we feel God incessantly whispering his love to our hearts.  Today as we were struggling with getting Jacob to take a bottle, I began to cry and God did not let me grieve for more than a second when he laid the words on my heart that he would not give me more than I could handle.  He assured me that He specifically knows that this child will thrive in our home because He has chosen us to be His parents.  For now, even in the midst of this emotional roller coaster, that is enough.  It is all I need to know. 

On this Gotcha Day, our dear, long awaited and wanted son, it is all you will ever need to know.  Not only that we love you, but that your original Gotcha Day came out of the greatest love, over two thousand years ago on a cross.  It is enough.