Not lacking anything

God has been working overtime to remind me just how great His love is for me.  He has brought to mind time and time again the scriptures about building my house on a rock and being ready when trials come.  He reminds me that these will only make me stronger......and make my family stronger. 

As you may have read in my previous posts, I have joined with a wonderful group of women this year to evaluate where in our lives we live in excess and how this excess takes up space that we should really be giving to God.  To honor this journey, I decided to study the book of James for the month of March.  As soon as I closed the cover on my study, the church we have been frequenting thought this was also a good time to study the book of James.  OK, God, I get it. 

I have loved the book of James since I was a teenager.  I know that grace is not dependent on works (Thank you Lord!) but our works are such an outflowing of our thankfulness for what God has done that I have always devoured the book from cover to cover.  It so naturally melds into the beauty of the promises of the new testament pages as it reminds us that genuine faith transforms lives.  When I did youth ministry and would encourage the kids to get into the Bible, I'd say, "Start with the Gospels and then go onto James", it was always such a natural transition. 

Recently, my mind can't seem to get away from James 1.  Specifically, James 1:2-4:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I thought that 6 years of waiting for our adoption was what it would take to "not lack anything."  I thought that obediently bending my will to bringing in a child that looked nothing like the child I thought we would adopt would reach the degree of "not lacking anything."  I thought that bringing home a child in need of a home and love, to a family with love and a home in need of a child, would be all it would take to "not lack anything."  Well.....I didn't know "anything." 

I didn't know how hard bringing home an older, special needs, heck, let's just say simply, an adopted child would be.  I didn't realize how inadequate I would feel in being his parent and how often I would despair that perhaps God had made a terrible mistake when asking us to parent another child.  In our shame, frustrations, and grief, we have wondered at times if God called us to this and then left us.  It seems my prayers of asking for "more empathy, more patience, more understanding, and more love" had lessened to a simple prayer of protection for our cherished son...."Lord, please protect him....from inadequate me."  

The amazing thing is that as I look back on where we have come from, where we are now, and where we are going, I can see that God is doing exactly as He promised.  He has not given us more than we can handle (despite what I might have told him last week....sorry God!) and He has perfectly placed so many people in our lives and so many words in His book to remind us of His infinite love of us.  Some of you have even reached into the dark depths of your lives that we might hear your stories of redemption and forgiveness, so that you might bring us hope and encouragement.  Just last week, I read a note I had not seen since before our adoption from a friend and it said: "Lord, today I will let go of my expectations as to how bonding should be going and give them to you."  (How did she know I would need to read that later??)

Perhaps that is why, we can "consider it pure joy...when you encounter various trails." (James 1:2)  For I know He is with me and the promises He has given me.  He is molding me and shaping me into something better, something stronger, something more perfect, something more complete, and darest I say it....into the woman and Mother that is fully capable to meet ALL the needs that our little guy does and will have.  A woman "not lacking anything."