This was one of those days that you live through
and later realize you had a greater glimpse into the depth of love that
God has for us. You know that kind of love? The kind of love where you
feel that he cares about the littlest detail in your life and wants you
to have it. Not that we could ever understand it and with our sinful
natures, we won't ever fully grasp it, but some days I think we open
ourselves up to experiencing and recognizing it a little more. How much
the Father does love us.
After breakfast today we headed off to the Children's
Welfare Institute of Weinan City, Jacob's home for the last 20 months.
Entering the courtyard I knew it was going to be a nice facility. The
outside was decorated with colorful murals of nature and children's
scenes and there was landscaping with various statues of small animals.
There was also a beautiful fountain right in the center of the driveway
entry.
Chris decided to stay outside with Jacob as we felt it
best not to bring him in. I was the lone representative from our
family. We entered the building and were ushered into a sitting room
with coffee tables full of seeds, fruit, and vegetables. The orphanage
director was seated on one couch and the rest of us (two adoptive
families, our agency staff, a city official, and orphanage staff) were
seated on couches around the room. We visited for a while and listened
as our translator told us what was being said and our pictures were
being taken by the orphanage staff. The director welcomed us and said
he hoped we would return in the future with our families and he was
happy to see the children were getting placed in good homes. There were
lots of smiles and "Xie Xies" going around.
We then toured the facility and got to see where Jacob
spent the first 20 months of his life. I saw his crib and the area
where he played. There was Chinese music in the background and lots of
sunshine coming in the windows. His nannies are clearly loved by the
children and it was a blessing to see them interact. The family we have
been traveling with brought their daughter on the tour and it was
touching to see her nanny tear up when she had to say goodbye. She
needed a few moments to herself and as she passed me I reached out my
arm to embrace her shoulder. I am so thankful for the work they have
done to get our children to this point.
We also had one unexpected blessing. We had been told
that we could not take pictures once inside. But between the orphanage
staff taking pictures and my agency taking pictures for waiting parents,
they decided we could take some so our guide ran out to get my camera.
I was able to get for Jacob some pics of his crib, the nannies, and the
room where he played.
I am thankful to be able to add today to Jacob's
journey. Someday, I will tell him all about the Chinese children's
music that was playing on the DVD player and the bright, beautiful
murals that were painted on the wall. I will tell him about the open
window and the bright sunlight that was streaming in. I will tell him
about the love and care I witnessed in watching the emotions of the
nannies and the gentle care they gave. I will tell him that our guide
said it was one of the nicest orphanges she has seen. But the one thing
I will also tell him is the sense of relief and thankfulness I felt
when I exited the building, knowing that Jacob would never spend another
night there. Good as it was, it's not a home. It's not what God
intended in raising our children. I couldn't hold him close enough as
we waited outside for our group to finish.
We were eager to be back "home" after another emotional
day. Jacob laid down with Chris to take a nap and it was then our
little son began grieving. It was very hard for all of us. I have been
ready and waiting for it but it doesn't make it any easier. Our
little one mourned inconsolably for over an hour and we just held him
and matched his grief with our own tears. I told Jacob how sorry I was
for the losses he was experiencing and I told him how much I loved him.
I wished I could do something to help his pain but I am also thankful
he is letting himself grieve. It is said this is an important and
necessary part to the process of bonding and attaching.
I have no idea what tomorrow will hold. Sometimes
grieving in this way lasts for one day, and sometimes months. But I
know that I will be there again, to cry with Jacob and share his losses,
and tell him how much the Father does love us.
Jennifer, so glad that you got to see the orphanage. I am so glad Jacob was in such a clean and loving environment.
ReplyDeleteOh, the grieving.... For us, it was at sleeping times, too. Praying for you all and hoping Jacob allows you to comfort him through the process.
Heather
I am bringing home our daughter from there in the spring of 2014 . It looks like a much nicer place than I was thinking. I hope I get to visit and get to take pictures too.
ReplyDeleteI am part of a Facebook group with children from Weinan. Let me know if you'd like to join. Blessings on your journey!
DeleteWe just rec'd a referral on 3-11 for a precious little girl from weinan cwi, we'd love to get connected to your fb group!
DeleteWe adopted our son from the same orphanage in 2013 when he was 20 months old. We never got the chance to visit the orphanage and we had been wondering what it would be like inside. It was such a relief that the environment is good and children are well taken care of. Thanks for the photos!!!
ReplyDeleteWe just read this post and the tears are falling. How beautiful! We were just referred a precious little girl from this same cwi and haven't been able to find anything on it, thank you so much for the pics and to know about the level care and the amount of love means soooo much. Someone mentioned a Weinan group on fb do you know about it, we're interested as well.
ReplyDelete