Estimated Travel Date

It has been an exciting 24 hours in our household.  This morning, our 3 year old bio son had his first swim lesson without Dad by his side.  We sat 15 yards away, behind a glass wall, with all the other "experienced" parents.  It was the longest 1/2 hour of my life!  I was worried he'd slip underwater, unbeknownst to all people and instructors, and we would have to hurdle two rows of parents, run through the glass door, and dive through one class of 4 year olds to save our little guy.  We were poised at the end of our chairs watching him like a hawk looking for prey in a cornfield.  The funniest thing happened.....he stayed above water!  He listened intently to his teacher, practiced the skills he was asked to do, sat on the edge with no  minimal wiggling, and had a smile on his face the whole time!  He was so intent on the task before him that there was not a single longing or forlorn look into the waiting area from my little guy.  Nope, all those types of looks were coming from me.  He did everything I would want him to do in my abscence, yet it makes me  sad to see that he is ready to do it.  Soon, he will no longer feel that he is an extension of Mom and Dad, but he will find that he is his own unique person, just as God created him to be.  

Yesterday, we received an email from our agency stating they have sent us our China travel packet.  While we will not be staying in Jacob's hometown, it looks like we will be close and our agency has said they will see if they can arrange a tour of his orphanage.  It is always a long shot and never a guarantee until your in it but we are really hoping this is somewhere we can visit.  I don't know why it is so important to me.  Certainly in the grand scheme of things we need to do on this trip (like completing an adoption and introducing ourselves to our son) it seems like it should be such a small thing.  I was lamenting this irrational feeling to a friend who has adopted and I told her I felt like if I can't see where he was found and I can't see where he has spent his life and I can't capture this part of his history, then I will have failed him from the start.  She very sweetly wrote me the best grounding message:  "If it helps, repeat to yourself:  “The Life book is a living document, and can be revised…. The Lifebook is a living document, and I can add to it as I learn more….  China is not falling off the face of the earth when our plane leaves, and there is always a chance we could go back and learn more if we need to….”

(Interruption in writing here......had to repeat it again a few times.)  

Of course, she was right.  If I can't get beyond my fear of "failure" as a parent, how am I ever going to make it through 6 months, let alone 6 hours once we're all together?  I have to give myself permission to desire these good intentions but then to be able to grieve these losses and move forward with progress.  I am thankful to my dear friends and family who are courageous enough to take me by the shoulders and tell me that we need to focus on the imperatives and let the smaller details (although nice) go until we can reorganize our efforts and brain power to where they need to be.

Like this morning, watching our son in the pool, I could have let my feelings of  fear overtake the joy and accomplishments that our son was achieving.  I am thankful that God gave me the presence of mind to slowly let go of my fear and enjoy his everpresent smile, sweet love of learning, and goofy goggles that seemed to overtake his little face.  It was beautiful watching this part of his journey to independence and self identity. 

Below is an unofficial travel agenda and they are estimating our leaving date as 11/2.  Feel free to read it as I retire for the night and repeat my mantra.  

(Yawn)...."The Lifebook is a living document....."

The tentative schedule would be:

Thursday, depart from the US

Friday, arrive in Beijing

Saturday, sightsee in Beijing

Sunday, travel to the child’s provincial capital city

Monday, meet your child and begin adoption paperwork

Tues, sign adoption documents and have documents notarized

Wed & Thurs, sightseeing in the province

Fri, fly to Guangzhou

Sat, medicals for the children in Guangzhou

Sun, free day

Mon, first request for ACS visa appointments for children under the age of 2. 

Tues, if your ACS apt was on Monday, you will receive your child’s visa

Wed, depart