A Matter of Perspective

Yesterday I had a check up with my pulmonologist.  He is in charge of taking care of my lungs and takes his job very seriously.  I started seeing him 11 years ago after a spontaneous pneumothorax surprised us all.  From minute one in his office, after a welcome handshake, we are all about lung business: radiographic results, breathing analysis, medication checklists, exercise regimen, breathing challenges, mucous....well, you get the point.  He is always on time.  He lives and breathes (no pun intended) lung health.  All business.  So, it was no surprise when I told him 6 years ago we would be traveling to adopt from China, he told me to come in to see him before we traveled to "that dirty place."

Perspective.  It's interesting when we take a look at our lives and see how our perspectives shape so much of who we are.....our interactions, what we put our time and financial resources into, how we see things, places, and people.  It shapes our worldview. 

From my perspective, going to China will be one of the greatest journeys in my life.  It has given birth to and cared for our son who will finally be with us in a little over a week.  What gratitude I feel for the country.  What thankfulness I have for the Chinese that have clearly cared for him well and gotten my child to his 20th month of life without a needed surgery.  This gratitude and thankfulness is so great that it supersedes my fear of language barriers, traveling challenges, safety concerns, money exchanges, adoption proceedings, bonding issues....and yes, environmental concerns.  It is a country that right now holds my son and has given me permission to come get him, bring him home, and raise him with all the rights and privileges of a biological child. I do believe I may have to restrain myself from hugging every Asian person in sight when we get off the plane!

I now have a plethora of inhalers, oral medications, and room air deodorizers to get my "lungs" safely to China and back.  I am thankful that my doctor has taken such good care of me.  But from my perspective, clean air or dirty air, polluted cities or smoky hotel rooms, it doesn't matter.  I only have my eye on the prize.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12:1-2.

Surprise......you have a support system!

Last night we went to a surprise party.....our surprise party!

Our dear friends and family orchestrated a beautiful evening for us to celebrate our upcoming family expansion.  The night was full of family, friends, celebration and thoughtful details that came together to make a marvelous symphony of love and support.  Let me tell you about it and what it meant to us.....

There was authentic Chinese fare.  Not just a couple main dishes and rice, but a smorgasbord of various Chinese textures, flavors, and colors.....some with unexpected spice!

Dessert.  My favorite part of any meal!  Brownie cupcakes placed and decorated to resemble a dragon with individual dragon sugar cookies on the side and a mish mash of other cookie desserts! 

Beverages.  Hot tea and water at every table and bottled Chinese beer.

Gifts.  An adorable necklace with a picture of the maps of the U.S. and China side by side that were connected by a string looped into a heart.   A three disc DVD set, "Baby Learns Chinese" that I have been "eyeballing" for awhile.  A special diaper bag that says, "Ni Hao China".  In it were various travel size items to help with our physical needs while traveling as well as a collection of manila folders with advice on traveling, attaching, and surviving to address our emotional needs. 

Awesome?  Indeed.  But, all of it paled in comparison to the best gift of the night.  Being surrounded by friends and family who support us.  It was clear through the night not only that we were celebrating the beautiful child we have waited for, but we felt that we would be supported moving forward.  I have confidence that an army of people will be there in the small details as well as the insurmountable challenges.  I not only know that I will be loved, but that I am surrounded by a community that wants to help me raise Jacob in the best way I can.  They know that supporting me is supporting him. 

My sister and her husband made the drive from Raleigh to Cincinnati and she told me tonight that it was clear I had a good support system in our adoption.  No doubt about that.  It could be seen not only in the genuine excitement I saw on their faces last night, but in the time they have invested already in helping us succeed when Jacob comes home. 

As I have said in previous posts, God has used these last six years to prepare my heart and give me peace, strength and perseverance for the days ahead.  But He has also surrounded me with a network of people who have helped me to understand the unique challenges of parenting an adopted child and have given me the courage to do so.  Just last night one friend was being hard on herself (you know who you are) about her parenting decisions.  The group of us could easily see that the object that was so frustrating for her, was a HUGE victory for her child and it reflected the hard and intentional work they have poured into her life.  There it was again, that network of people who surround you and say, "This is hard, and you are doing the hard work, and look at how far you have come."  Amazing and an honor to be a part of. 

A quick update: I will pick up our Visas tomorrow, the last puzzle piece to a massive paper chase!  We are now working on final packing details.  I bought an Ipod on Craigslist over the weekend because I can't be without my Christian music in China!  We are writing and meeting our new, extended "family" members whom we will travel with and a group of us who are bringing home our children from Weinan.  The excitement of our group is impossible to conceal!  We learned this week we have received permission to visit the orphanage (big answer to prayer!)  We are enjoying this time in the process and the excitement it brings.  I leave you with a quote from a letter I received from a friend last night.  Meaningful words to remember while we are away that reflect the support we are so grateful to have.

"Just focus on getting home.  You have family and friends you can lean on once you are here, and we will make sure you are taken care of.  If the number of days between now and home seems overwhelming, just focus on getting through today.  And if that's too overwhelming, focus on getting through the next hour or two."

Thank you my dear friends and family for our party, but more so for loving us.  It is this love and support that will get us to China and home with Jacob. 

Divine Intervention

I was thinking back on this journey to Jacob the other day and wondering what I will tell him when he asks me why we decided to adopt.  Why did we decide to adopt?  It is a really good question. Even with the exciting and unexpected news of our pregnancy with our oldest son four years ago, the first words out of our mouth (after our initial awe and celebration) was that we would continue to move forward in our adoption process.  It was as natural a result to us as breathing, but we were still asked by many if we would still be adopting. Signing our names to the dotted lines of our initial paperwork was as much a "conception" experience in our minds as making a child through natural means.  The saying in adoption that one's child is not grown in a belly but in one's heart was just about right!  So I return to my original question: Why did we decide to adopt and build our family in this way and why did this path seem so natural?

Was it when I was a teenager and realized I might not be able to have children due to a genetic anomaly?
Was it when I shared this news with my husband (who was then my boyfriend) and we both agreed that we wanted to partner and be parents together in life and it did not matter how we made that family?
Was it when we went through years of trying to naturally conceive a child without success?
Was it when we received two negative pregnancy results after two failed IVF attempts?

No, I can't say any of that was "the reason" we have stubbornly set our heart and minds to a process that has been wrought with delays, steep financial commitments, self sacrifice and delayed gratification.  The desire to adopt was placed in my heart, not by my mere human experiences, failures, and interactions, but by One who has redeemed what was rightfully his own.  When I was in grade school, I gave my life to Christ and accepted Him as my Lord and Savior.  As I have grown, studied his word, and "known" Him more, I have given myself over to Him.  I believe the peace given to us through this process is a product of Christ within me that has given us the strength and surety of our path.  It is as if my mind and body were given over to a force greater than anything I could handle alone and without a Deity involved.  The desire is as old as time itself.  God caring for His own and redeeming what is His.   He has used us, as imperfect as we are to open our lives and bring us to a place where Jacob can have a home, and we can have the family we have always wanted.  It is a miraculous partnering when we open up ourselves in obedience to Christ. 

It is this partnering that will give us courage to board the plane November 1st.  To leave one son behind while we go get another (I do believe it will be the first time I will experience my heart being torn in two!)  We can hardly contain our excitement!  We have been busy with getting our home ready for our new arrival, filling out, sending, and organizing our paperwork, packing for the trip of our life, and thanking the good Lord for all He has done!  I am amazed at the community of adoptive parents out there that have reached out in support by sending us packing lists, giving us advice on travel, celebrating this "romantic" period with all the excitement it brings, and genuinely walking in support beside us!  You are an amazing group and I thank God for you!

We have little left to do in the way of "official" appointment arranging and paperwork.  We are awaiting the arrival of our Visas and last travel packet from our agency.  The rest of these three weeks will fly as we pack, and make arrangements to leave Ethan with his Grandparents for two weeks.  Keep your prayers coming!  I can see God's hand in even the smallest of details.....this week we learned that we will be traveling with a family from Arkansas for the entire two weeks we will be in China as their daughter will be coming from the same orphanage: The Child Welfare Institute of Wei Nan City in Shaanxi Province!  With the slow down in Chinese adoptions, the guarantee of having a travel group had ceased so we are very excited to be traveling with them!  Even yesterday, more answered prayers as someone at church had been specifically praying for us that Jacob would be home by Christmas!  I have often said that some of you have prayed for me in times when I was weary of praying.  Thank you for filling in the gap my Christian friends....even now, you continue to do so!

I suspect as we wrangle with the challenges ahead, of bringing together a blended and multicultural family, I will find strength in knowing that this was God's design for our family.....this beautiful pairing of a child that needs a family, and a family that wants that child with all their heart.  It's as natural as breathing.