Lean Not On Your Own Understanding

Doing a puzzle with Grandma

Our first week home with Jacob has been a roller coaster of emotions.  Dealing with jet lag and doctors appointments have almost consumed any energy and coping skills we have.  Monday was the hardest day.

Cincinnati is blessed to have the International Adoption Center (IAC) at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital.  It is comprised of a team that includes a social worker, nurse, and physician who specialize in internationally adopted children.  The physician is an adoptive Mom herself of three children.  On Monday, we had our post adopt appointment.  This consisted of a review of systems by a nurse, an evaluation by the medical doctor, an evaluation by an occupational therapist, and a visit with the therapist.  It was a long day and was topped off with one TB test, 2 shots, and 13 vials of blood drawn (yes, you read that right....13! I about died when I saw her pulling them out.) 

We received a lot of information that day and here is the summary:

Referrals: We are being referred for consultations with urology and the cleft lip and palate team which includes a plastic surgeon, ENT, and genetics specialist.  Jacob is also to have an appointment with a pediatric dentist, and receive a hearing and visual screen.  We will await results that tested for parasites in his stool and all the titres to see if his immunizations are effective (hence, all the blood drawn.) 

Developmental: Jacob is in the 12-14 month range in nearly all developmental tests with the exception of speech where he rated a very low 6 month score.  Between the differences in language and his cleft lip and palate, I can't see that the testing was reliable for our little guy (did it test what it was supposed to test?)  I imagine in about a year after starting to make sounds from the English language and actually have a palate to make those sounds, his scores will be much better.  On an up side, everyone has been impressed with his social skills and how easily he has "taken" to Chris and I. 

Body Measurements:  Jacob is near the 50th percentile for weight, 15th percentile for height, but has dropped off the scale in head circumference measurements.  We don't know what this means or why this has happened.  When we received our referral in July, his measurements placed him in the 10-15th percentile for head circumference.  Doctors say the slow down in head size (which reflects brain development) may be due to various factors including poor nutrition, poor stimulation, genetics, etc.  This was not news Chris or I had been prepared to hear. 

As you can imagine, we were overwhelmed with it all and trying to process what it meant.  We were ready for the developmental delays but not in the slow down of his body growth.  It was a difficult night.  (Thank you to our neighbors who provided dinner that night....I just didn't have the energy to cook.) 

I once again found myself back on that roller coaster of fear and doubt.  But God, in his infinite wisdom and faithfulness, placed people and his word in my life to remind me who was in control. Not a test that tells me of a multitude of developmental delays.  He's bigger than that. Not an upcoming series of surgeries that will likely last well into Jacob's adolescence.  He's bigger than that.  Not even after the crushing news that Jacob's head was not keeping up with the growth curve.  God can certainly speak more truth into my life than a silly measurement tape.  I have had to choose (and keep choosing) to lay my burdens at His feet.  And when I take them up again and realize how heavy they are, I have to remind myself to give them back.  It allows me to open my eyes to the blessings around me when all you want to do is crawl under the covers.  And open my eyes to his blessings he did...... 

• The blessings of watching Jacob figure out how to crawl down the steps and to get off a couch without pitching himself forward.  The blessings of getting him to take some slightly thicker liquids with a spoon this week.  Watching him use sign language for "Daddy" when my husband was out of the room.  Today, he actually matched a puzzle piece to the right spot.  Victories.  Small, but they are there and I don't want to miss them in my discouragement or take away the celebration of these moments because I allow fear to enter and steal my joy. 

• Our immediate family was quick to listen and remind me that this child was given to us by his Creator.  He was meant for our household and God must believe we are up to the task.  They promised me their support and their prayers and that they would love our son no matter what.  My sister told me I was a "good Mom" and my sis-in-law reminded me of my resourcefulness and had faith that I was already researching brain building activities and food on the internet (Guilty!)

• A new "Preschool Mom" friend was touching base with me outside the classroom and a conversation that began innocent enough gave me a platform to share my struggles with the news we had heard the day prior.  She told me of two of her friends who courageously fought for their children who had great medical needs.  As we shared tears together she reminded me of the power of a Mother's love.  A reminder I needed to hear. 

• Even just the blessings of a friend emailing me to tell me what a joy it was to hold our sweet baby.

They are small things but each add up to give one courage for the days ahead and joy in the present time.  I am holding tight to the verse in proverbs written below.  I will not lean on my own understanding.  I will not lean on tests and measurements.  I will trust in the Lord.....with all my heart. 


Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5